"On the flip side, my alter ego would scrunch my brows and think for moment. Quite honesty, who am I? Who am I really? I'm not sure how to answer that in my eighteen years of existence. I have a general idea but I am still in the process of finding that answer. "
It's been a year since I wrote that. I remember scrambling away on my keyboard with these thoughts that were constantly running in my mind.
Who am I?
I would be lying if I said these thoughts didn't linger, of course they do. I think they always will.
"I am a daughter, a sister, a student, a hard working individual. "
I wanted to express my thoughts on personas, in which, I would define as the "mini me's inside myself ". It's how I present myself in different scenarios and how I am perceived in return.
Of course when I am with different people, I act different according to our relationship. It's not that I have a whole alter persona, but I wouldn't speak to my professor the same way as my close friends. There is a line of professionalism with practicality.
But sometimes I wonder when the role I choose to play becomes blurry. When the unconscious turns conscious.
It starts to feel like I'm wearing a mask.
Do I put a filter on what I say? If so, then what about the actions I choose to do? Am I really making my own choices if I am double thinking?
But what for? The need for acceptance, normalcy or satisfaction that has been integrated into my mind? The approval of others or myself?
It starts to feel like I'm being conditioned to forget who I really am.
Like I'm being manipulated by my own self - a puppeteer with their puppet.
But this unescapable thing is a part of my life. It's a part of who I am. A shadow that lingers around.