• Jasmine

Entering College

*Excuse the fact that this is posted way after the semester has started :) *

I thought I wrote a draft about my thoughts before I entered college, but I guess not :( As of now, I am about 2 months into my first year, so my thoughts might have changed a bit, but lets start this piece by going a few years back.

Quite frankly, I never enjoyed school. Actually that's a lie. I think when I was younger I did. What I remember more of were the memories of endless fun while learning. Some of those fond memories of raising class chickens, running in the playground and school trips. There was nothing to worry about. It was a time to simply - well, be a kid.

But I think the turning point was when high school started. Like may others, I started thinking about college and what in the world I wanted to do with my life. I started getting involved in every club, taking as many AP and night classes, getting a part time job as a tutor, and participating in many outside activities. I started putting pressure on myself. There was something I could always do to improve. I could always do better. And yes, in high school I was part of the friend group that was known to be full of smarty pants. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

But, I am not sure where this gritty mindset came from, as no one (not even my parents) ever pushed me with academics. While I am glad that I did a lot with my time, I now reflect upon my actions. I wonder if I was truly happy and if I was doing all these things for myself. Why did I do what I did? Was it because I just wanted to prove my self worth? Was I just trying to pat my resume for the approval of a college admissions officer? To appear as a perfect well-rounded student?

*Insert future potential story time about my major and college selection*

The more I look at it, I'm the type of student to have excelling grades, but not one that does it with passion. I don't know if this will always be true for me. I do like to learn but maybe I haven't come across the right material, especially in school. Maybe the school environment just isn't for me?

Another thing is that I would not retain what I was learning. I would study for a test, and then forget everything right after. Again, maybe I wasn't that interested in what I was learning. I do wish I was taught more applicable subjects. I know I am not the only one who thinks this. Anyone else out there with this thought?

The educational curriculum is in need to be updated. I wish more things were pushed, such as life skills. Maybe these holes in the system is what is biting back at me right now.

From all the textbooks and passages I've read, I must of skipped over a chapter about how to function as a human being.  

And right now with more time to myself in quarantine, I have been thinking a lot about life, school and things happening in the world.

But trust me, I am thankful for the opportunities I was able to have with my education. I don't take it for granted, as there are bigger things to worry about. That's why I feel like my problems aren't, well, really problems.

These have been my thoughts. Things running constantly throughout my mind. Being stuck in quarantine for the past 7ish months hasn't helped either. My thoughts have only become more clear.

But back to college. I am finally in university. I feel... old. 😅

I am excited to enter a new chapter where I can meet new people and do things. A new level of freedom and independence will make things wooo! However, I have also been feeling a lot of dread. Enter my pessimistic brain, it's thoughts and my high expectations.

I want to congratulate myself for coming this far, but at the same time I am boggled that time has flown by so fast. Gosh, time is ticking. What's next? What do I need to do? Again, this is why I sometimes don't like how my mind works. My brain wants to keep going, but my body wants to catch a break.

I also filmed many hours worth of content on my phone about my first month of college. I ended up moving onto campus (sike you thought, not anymore), and having somewhat of a college experience. I don't want to go into too much detail into exactly how things went as I am making a video about my experience (at this rate who knows when I will finish up editing smh). But, I will say it has been a struggle to be motivated with everything online and not having much of a social life.

As of now I am just doing my best to enjoy each moment - live in the moment. I started giving myself more self care by exercising, sleeping more, eating well and having more me time. It feels good to get back to part of my soul that I've neglected.

These moments have also made me realize that life is short. I've pulled on the strings of family that have been collecting dust. I'm glad to say that it also feels good to catch up and exchange words. It holds close to me when conversations of laughter and reminiscence are made.

I will end off saying I am still hopeful for whatever that is to come, although it can be hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I just realized that I did write my thoughts about pre-college, but it's on my phone notes. It's for me to read in 4 years when I graduate.

I'm stealing this idea from freshman year of high school when my teacher made us write a letter to our future selves when we graduated. Might also write a post about that.

To the next four years and many more!